With the holidays just around the corner, many of us are preparing to visit family—parents, grandparents, and other loved ones. It’s a joyful time, but for those with aging family members, these visits can also raise some tough questions. If you’ve noticed memory lapses, confusion, or unusual behaviors, it may be time to consider whether your loved one could be dealing with early dementia or Alzheimer’s.
I’ve compiled a list of red flags to keep an eye on when visiting family. These changes are not part of normal aging, so if you spot any of them, it might be time to have a conversation with your loved one and encourage them to see a doctor.
1. Memory Lapses Beyond Normal Aging
We all forget things from time to time, but persistent memory issues are concerning. Normal aging might mean occasionally misplacing keys or forgetting an appointment, but dementia-related memory issues are different. If your loved one repeatedly forgets recent conversations or keeps retelling the same story, that could be an early sign of dementia. I remember how my own dad would lose track of things and sometimes even forget where he was. If your parent or grandparent is forgetting essential events, bills, or appointments, consider this a red flag.
2. Difficulty with Daily Tasks
As dementia progresses, it often impacts people’s ability to manage their day-to-day lives. For instance, someone who used to cook elaborate meals might now struggle with a simple recipe they’ve made for years. These changes go beyond “just getting older” and signify red flags that might indicate they’re having trouble remembering steps in a sequence. Keep an eye out if your loved one seems to struggle with basic tasks that once came naturally to them.
3. Poor Judgment and Risky Decisions
People with dementia often start making uncharacteristic decisions. This could mean falling for scams, making impulsive purchases, or giving away money to strangers. I’ll never forget how my grandmother sent money to a televangelist back in the day, convinced she’d receive a promised Bible that, of course, never arrived. She spent years bitterly bringing it up. Nowadays, scams are everywhere, and seniors are especially vulnerable. If your loved one is giving away money or making odd purchases, use these red flags as evidence that it might be time to help monitor their finances.
4. Personality and Mood Changes
Dementia can drastically alter a person’s personality and mood. Someone who was once gentle and calm may become irritable, anxious, or even paranoid. My dad, who had always been easy-going, grew suspicious and would often accuse others of misplacing items. Changes like these stem from the confusion and frustration dementia brings. It’s important to recognize these red flags, but be aware that these mood shifts aren’t their fault.
5. Disorientation to Time or Place
Losing track of time and place is common in dementia. My dad would sometimes think that his hometown, hours away, was just a short drive from where we were. If your loved one is getting lost in familiar places or can’t remember where they are, it’s another one of the many red flags of cognitive decline.
6. Decline in Hygiene and Personal Care
A decline in grooming and hygiene practices can be subtle, but significant red flags. If your loved one was always well-kept but now goes days without a shower, wears the same clothes repeatedly, or has a noticeable body odor, it might mean they’re struggling to maintain their hygiene routines. This might be due to confusion, forgetfulness, or feeling overwhelmed by the effort it takes.
7. Social Withdrawal
Many people with dementia pull back from social activities they used to enjoy. They might skip family gatherings or avoid their friends due to embarrassment, anxiety, or fear of being “found out.” If they’re making excuses to avoid events or seem less interested in hobbies, take note—this withdrawal often happens as dementia progresses.
8. Speech and Language Issues
If your loved one struggles to find the right words, repeats phrases, or has trouble following conversations, these could be signs of dementia. Language difficulties might start small but grow more prominent over time. I remember sitting with my dad, and he would simply stop mid-sentence, unable to find the words he wanted to say.
How to Approach These Red Flags
If you notice any of these red flags during your holiday visit, it’s important to respond with compassion. Instead of placing blame or showing frustration, try to help your loved one feel understood and supported. Bring up your concerns gently, like, “Mom, I noticed you’ve been forgetting things lately, and I’d like to help however I can. Could we talk to a doctor about it together?”
You may also want to offer to join them at doctor appointments, especially if they haven’t already designated a healthcare power of attorney. Remember, it’s essential to involve medical professionals—they can provide a proper assessment, and if dementia is diagnosed, early intervention can make a big difference.
Support and Resources When Noticing These Red Flags
There’s a wealth of information and support available. Organizations like the Alzheimer’s Association can connect you with local resources, support groups, and practical information on managing dementia. They even offer guidance on how to have conversations with your loved one about these red flags that may appear.
Seeing a parent or grandparent struggle with memory issues or personality changes is tough, but spotting these red flags early can empower you to get the right support in place. Educate yourself, lean on family, and don’t hesitate to reach out to organizations that can provide guidance and assistance. Remember, this journey is about preserving their independence for as long as possible while being ready to step in with the help they’ll eventually need.
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